klepto love story

My gumbo was a rousing victory yesterday. After numerous phone calls to my father including "Dad, should the roux be this watery?" and "Should the color be baby poop brown or darker" (the answer is always darker) I had a beautiful tasty pot of chicken and sausage gumbo. The andouille sausage was a beautiful smoky flavor. Everything was seasoned well. My family would've wanted it hotter, but the first time gumbo tasters loved it. Abbe even called me her "Gumbo Master". I think I need a shirt that states that. Making that gumbo was some of the most fun I've had in a kitchen.

In addition to the gumbo, I made some french bread. It was a bit dicey. I wasn't sure if I was doing it correctly because the dough was so sticky. The loaves turned out to be short and squatty due to my own misshaping but quite tasty. I'll be trying this again soon.

As for the Oscars, I went 6 for 9. Not too shabby! I missed Best Actor (Sean Penn) because I wasn't thinking about the Oscar winning formula: play a real person, win an Oscar. Four out of the last five winners have been people in bio pics. I went with my heart, not my head. This is not to say that Sean Penn's performance wasn't great. I just believe that Mickey Rourke's is going to be more memorable in the long run.

While I'm on it, Milk won for Best Original Screenplay. I don't know. I sort of feel like this isn't technically an "Original Screenplay" as it is based on real events. There are source materials like newspapers, first hand accounts, recordings, etc. I just feel it should be looked at in a different light.

One last Oscar thing: this year's crop would make for excellent porn titles. "The Curious Case of Benjamin's Butthole", "Frosted / Jism", "Milked", "The Breeder", and my personal favorite "Doggystyle Millionaire" (this could also be "Fuckdog Millionaire" because you can add fuck to anything and make it a porn title).

This weekend I plan to embrace my inner Cajun. This means I will be attempting, for the first time ever, my father's own chicken and sausage gumbo.

When I was a kid, I'd watch as my dad lovingly stirred his roux for what seemed to be hours. He would stir and stir and stir until he had the perfect dark brown base. He'd chop vegetables, season, taste. His gumbo was a product of love. I'll be attempting to put my own spin on it Sunday just in time for the Oscars (hopefully).

Speaking of the Oscars, here's my picks:
Best Actor: Mickey Rourke – The Wrestler. I thought The Wrestler should have been nominated for best picture and Mickey Rourke pretty much has to carry the whole film on his 'roided up shoulders. I just hope this doesn't go to Mickey Rourke's head if he does win.

RamJam!

Best Supporting Actor: Heath Ledger – The Dark Knight. How can you not give it to the Joker? He took an iconic character who was played once by an iconic actor and made you forget that Jack Nicholson even existed. It was a brilliant performance.

Why so serious?

Best Actress: I'm torn. I've only seen two of the performances nominated. I have never really cared much for Meryl Streep (she's such a phony baloney!) but she killed in Doubt. That movie was an acting clinic. However, Kate Winslet gave multiple great performances this year and this one has Nazi talk so you know it had to get nominated. I think Kate Winslet will end up winning but Meryl Streep had the better performance.

Best Supporting Actress: I really want Marisa Tomei to win but the win will probably go to Penelope Cruz. I haven't seen Vickie Christina Barcelona but the buzz is Penelope will win.

Best Animated Feature Film: Wall-E. Hands down. I do have a soft spot for Bolt though.

Best Director: Slumdog Millionaire. Beautiful, beautiful movie.

Best Adapted Screenplay: I really have no idea. I haven't read any of the source material. I'll pick The Reader here.

Best Original Screenplay: I'll go with a dark horse. In Bruges.

Best Picture: This is a pretty weak crop of movies. If I chose the nominees it would be The Wrestler, Wall-E, Slumdog Millionaire, Doubt, and The Dark Knight. The Reader was ok. It mentions the Holocaust so, of course, it had to be nominated for Best Picture. Frost/Nixon, while good, was a little on the boring side. Benjamin Button I haven't seen but to me it looks too much like Forrest Gump part 2 (incidently I feel Forrest Gump robbed Pulp Fiction) to even be considered. Although, my gumbo will match up well with its New Orleans setting. MIlk was good but I'm tired of bio pics immediately being "THE BEST FILM OF THE YEAR". So that leaves us with Slumdog. I really enjoyed this movie. I felt transported to another place. The Bollywood dance at the end credits was perfect. So my pick: Slumdog Millionaire.

I’m very agitated right now. I can’t really explain why. I think it’s partly because I have too many things I want to do and there aren’t enough hours in the day to do them. There are books I want to read, movies I want to watch, TV shows I want to catch up on, music I want to hear. There are projects I want to do, recipes I want to cook, webcomics I need to catch up on. I have research to do for fantasy baseball season. My ukulele sits untouched on the bookshelf.

A typical day: go to work. Perform mind numbing tasks. Look at alarms that give half the information needed. Go home. Walk the dog. Play Xbox until Kristin gets home. Make dinner (if I’m not lazy). Watch TV. Play Bejeweled on the computer. Go to bed. Read 10 pages in my book. Take melatonin. Fall asleep. Exciting no? But it’s really all I feel like doing.

All that stuff I want to do, it’s too much. I can’t decide what to tackle first. So instead, my brain shuts down and decides it doesn’t want to do anything at all but sit and watch colored dots on a screen. It’s frustrating but I can’t stop myself.

I don't know if it's because I'm starving right now (it is lunch time and all) or what but I started planning our weekend menu. This consists of my pouring through a myriad of food blogs and finding something that strikes my fancy. So, without further adieu, JOSH'S WEEKEND MENU (this is also to help me remember where the recipes are):

• Friday: Shrimp and grits with bacon
• Saturday afternoon: Provencal tomato soup and grilled cheese (maybe with bacon?)
• Saturday night: Swedish meatballs with buttered noodles and nutmeg gravy (god help me with the gravy).
• Sunday: Chili, Texas style (that means no beans OR tomatoes, fuckers! Just glorious meat.)
• Monday night: Tortellini with brown butter and sage.

I may also try to do the whole bread thing again. I really would like to get it right.

Other plans for the weekend? Nothing. I want to read my book (Dead to the World, book 4 of the Sookie Stackhouse/True Blood novels. It's no War and Peace or Infinite Jest but it's entertaining), watch Lost in Translation, and cook. Sounds like the perfect weekend.

• Sharks have no urinary tract and must secrete urine through their skin. I find this disgusting.
• Melatonin is only produced when it is dark. This is why I had trouble sleeping during the day when I was on the graveyard shift.
• I am far sighted. This was news to me. I was always told that I am near sighted. I have this condition. Basically my eyes do not focus correctly so I work really hard at seeing things close-up. The muscles lock up and cause blurry vision when I try to look at something far away. My eyes are basically in a constant state of confusion…much like myself. 
• Anthony Bourdain feels the same as I do about deep dish pizza. "Deep dish is pizza like Olive Garden is Italian." The guy can be a douche but he's definitely right about that.

This Saturday I decided to attempt something I had never done: bake a loaf of bread. I found a recipe for light wheat bread online and bought all the necessary ingredients Thursday. Unfortunately, I was not aware there are different types of yeast. I bought Active Dry Yeast when I needed Instant Yeast. Yeast is yeast right? Nope. Active Dry requires proofing with 100 to 115 degree water (it took two attempts).  Saturday I went to the grocery store with Kristin to get stuff for the Super Bowl gathering and the correct yeast. Somehow, it did not end up in our bags. So after all that I decided to just use what I had.

Now, instant yeast is supposed to rise in two hours tops. I started the rising process at 3pm. By 5pm it was still the same size. I decided it was a little cold in the house and that may have been causing the non-rise. I threw it in the oven on warm and after about 2 hours it had reached the appropriate volume. Next up was the "put it in the pan and let it rise more" phase. Finally around 10pm I put the damn thing in the oven. At that point I was sick of the goddamn bread and didn't give a shit how it turned out.

my face after 7 hours of waiting for bread

Forty-five minutes later, I had my first loaf of beautiful, fragrant fresh bread. I don't know if it was worth a seven hour wait but it was pretty damn good (if a little dense). I'll definitely try again. This time I'll have the right yeast.