klepto love story

We did it. After probably seven months of trying "The Sundance Kids" have finally made it to the top of the mountain. First place. It feels really really good. Huge props to The Wife, who went 10 for 10 in the theme round (which was world capitals for those wondering).

Scoreboard, bitches:

here’s my picks tonight:

daniel day lewis – actor
javier bardem – supporting actor
laura linney – actress
cate blanchett – supporting actress
ratatouille – animated
sweeney todd – art direction
no country for old men – cinematography
sweeney todd – costume design
no country for old men – directing
operation homecoming – documentary
freeheld – documentary short
no country for old men – film editing
mongol – foreign
norbit – make up
atonement – musical score
enchanted – song
no country for old men – best picture
i met the walrus – animated short
the mozart of pickpockets – short film live
there will be blood – sound editing
transformers – sound mixing
transformers – visual effects
there will be blood – writing adapted
juno – writing original

let’s see how many i get right.

Driving to work today I couldn’t stop thinking about alternate universes. I tend to do this a lot.

What if every choice you make in life creates an alternate path? You change lanes…you don’t change lanes. There would be an infinite number of different dimensions. Some of these doppelgangers will be doing the exact thing you are doing because you could converge shortly after. Infinite possibilities. Infinite shadow versions of yourself out there in the world. Mind boggling.

Yes my friends. It’s that time of year again. That time of year when four little words make my heart go pitter-pat: "Pitchers and catchers report."

Spring (training) has sprung. Hope is flying around the air. Today everyone is a contender. Today everyone has a shot at the World Series. "I hear that kid has a helluva arm." The future is standing right there in front of us. Will the hot shot rookie make the team? Will someone come out of left field and wow us? You never know.

Anticipation. Excitement. Opening day is six excruciating weeks away. You can taste it in the air. The green grass. The blue skies. It’s coming. This is our year.

So last night after work I met up with Kristin and Jana at one of my favorite places in Austin, Mother Egan’s Irish Pub. I was in a good mood because I didn’t really have to do anything at work that night and it went by unusually fast. Fast forward a couple of hours. I was doing an impression of a coworker when this couple comes up and asks if they could sit with the three of us. I looked around at the plethora of empty tables and said "Uh, I guess so." We introduced ourselves (Ken and Sarah) and had about two seconds of chit chat. Out of nowhere this guy appears. He was dressed in a leather motorcycle jacket and a tshirt that read "SEXFIST". He whipped out a lighter to light Sarah’s cigarette. Ken (who appeared to be drunk at this time) told him to pull up a seat.

Lighter Man introduced himself as "Breadstick". Kristin said "Breadstick…is that your Christian name?" Turns out his mom and dad did not have a carbohydrate obsession and had, in fact, named him Scott. Breadstick proceeds to make with the jokes. Funny drunk stuff. The guy was plowed but was holding his own with the stories and wasn’t hard to follow once you got used to it. He asked Sarah if she was married. She said she was getting divorced. Breadstick asked her a couple of questions about it and she seemed to get really really irritated. He attempted to change the subject. Kristin and Jana left to hit the restroom and he remarked he always has that effect on the ladies. Sarah looked at him and said she wasn’t leaving no matter what especially since he made that remark. She started getting really bitchy. It was around that point that my thoughts about Breadstick changed. I figured out he was the normal one and the couple were fucking WEIRD.

Ken left to go to the bathroom. Before he left he handed Breadstick a $10 giftcard to Chili’s and said something like "I’ll give you this if you’ll stop." I don’t think Breadstick caught that. So Ken is gone for a long ass time. Sarah said she needs to go somewhere else. She goes over to the plastic sheeting that’s up around the porch when it’s cold and starts feeling on it. Ken comes back and is way out of it. I don’t know what he was on but he wasn’t drunk. I suspect ecstasy or some such thing. He really had a thing for staring at Kristin’s sleeve. He couldn’t answer questions like "So are you and Sarah dating?" Weird, weird guy. Finally we ran the two weirdos off…or so we thought. Kristin said something to the effect of "what the FUCK was wrong with them?" We discussed Sarah’s personality with Breadstick adding such insights as "I bet she’s a control freak and doesn’t give it up." What we didn’t realize was that Sarah was seated at a table not far away. She proceeds to run from the porch. Jana was concerned that we had hurt her feelings. Breadstick…not so much. I believe his response was "fuck her!". I wholeheartedly agreed.

We stuck around for a little while longer. Breadstick bought us a round. We laughed. We talked. It was fun. He was an interesting guy. We finally decided it was time to go (at 1:45am…so much for an early night at home watching TV). While waiting to pay my tab, I ended up meeting Mick, one of the guys from the kitchen. I was told next time I was in for the high end menu to let him know and he’d comp me a desert sampler. Great guy.

As I was getting ready to leave I notice Breadstick at the bar paying his tab. He is asking Jana to sign his credit card slip. At that point I decided this guy didn’t need to drive home and he didn’t live far from me. I asked him if he wanted a ride. He accepted. I drove him home and he talked about his dad, the Chicago cop, and the advice he gave him. "Do the best you can. That’s the secret to a happy marriage." Well said Daddy Breadstick. Well said.

As I was driving back home, I was pulled over by a cop. I had only had a couple of beers but Kristin’s sage advice rang through my head, "don’t blow." The cop (who was a woman) walked up to the car and told me that she had pulled me over for an expired registration tag. I knew about it. I told her I had been working a lot and hadn’t had a chance to take care of it. She asked for my license and insurance. I couldn’t find the insurance. I thought to myself, "Well, there’s three tickets (insurance, registration, inspection)." She asked me when the photo on my license was taken. I told her I honestly had no idea. It was probably four or more years ago. I should mention that while I have a beard now, I was clean shaven on my license photo. She then asked me if I had any other ID. I pulled out my work ID and showed it to her explaining that photo was even older and was about 55lbs ago. She said "yeah, i can tell." Thanks Lady Cop! I realize I need to lose some weight. Why don’t you go catch some murderers? So anyway, after that she said "Ok, well get that registration taken care of and have a good night." What was this? No ticket? Could it be? That has never happened to me in my entire driving life. Never have I gotten out of a ticket, especially such blatant violations. Not to mention the fact that she didn’t even ask me if I had been drinking or anything. So I went on my way.

Thinking about it later, the only thing that can explain what happened was karma. By taking Breadstick home I had appeased the universe and it smiled down upon me last night…just another night in Austin.